Our First Stop for Help

As I mentioned in previous posts, we decided we were in way over our heads and we got help by taking our son to Anasazi in Mesa, Arizona. You may ask, "How did you get him to go, wasn't he resistant?" Well, he wasn't. I think at that time he wanted help. And, I think it sounded like an adventure. So, we made arrangements with Anasazi and drove him and us to AZ. I remember trying to sleep in the hotel the night before. I couldn't sleep. I worried he would run away in the night. I worried he would change his mind. I worried he wouldn't change his mind. I just worried.

Once he was out on the trail, we, the parents got to attend a two day seminar. It was awesome, and humbling. A few of the notes I took:

As far as I am concerned, this material applies to no one but me.

In terms of others, I should expect that they will be no different.

I was invited to work on my own "walking". I thought how I have always been good at intellectually gathering data, but now was a time I had to learn to listen with my heart. This was definitely going to be a different experience.

They asked us to write a letter to our "young walker". This is part of my letter:

Dear Son,
     To anyone who would listen, I'd tell them what a good boy you are. You've heard me say it countless times. But what I wonder, after learning about the Anasazi way, is what was my heart saying? Whatever I said in words matters nothing if in my heart I don't feel the same way. I'm so very sorry if the damage in our relationship was caused by this.
     While you're on your walking, I have begun mine. Every day, several times each day, I will try to dig deep into my heart, into my soul. Who am I, anyway, if my actions - no matter how good - do not originate from a pure heart.
     The Master said once of well meaning people (like me) "They draw near unto me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." I'm ashamed if this has been me. This will be the basis of my walking.
     On my blanket stepping I had to dig deep to find as much as I could to leave on the old blanket. I found pride, preaching, and the worst, self-righteousness. I left them on the old as I stepped over to the new. I realize this will not be an easy walking for me because it is so embedded in who I am. But I have to try or I'll never have a tender relationship with you, or any of our family, or with God. I will work on it every day. I hope to have many awakenings to help me.

As you can see, the Anasazi way is not punitive in any way. Life is "a walking" and we are all on it. We were invited to look at ourselves, and what we could change with us, not just how to be a better parent. Our goal is to walk forward, and not backward. It is a beautiful, and simple way of living. That doesn't mean we aren't firm as parents when we need to be, that doesn't mean we are blissfully happy at all times. It means, we are at peace in our hearts, that we are right with those around us.

Leaving our son for six weeks, paying for the program, feeling the anguish of what to do now, trying to put on a happy face for our other children when dealing with all of it - this was a very hard time in our lives. But without it, we wouldn't have all the learning we now have. I am not necessarily grateful for the pain. I am, however, very grateful for the learning. I wonder if others feel the same.