We had just finished attending a Saturday evening church meeting, called Stake Conference. I had been one of the speakers and I was very glad to have that behind me. While walking out of the building, a mother of a teenage daughter who knew my son came up to speak to me and my husband. I imagine it was difficult for her to broach the subject and I don't really remember how she started the conversation but she said something like, "Do you know your son is using drugs?" I had to take a double take because I thought I couldn't have heard her correctly. This was a woman I knew, but I didn't know well and in my mind I was quickly processing all my possible responses. I think I asked her to repeat herself and afterward I was a little incredulous. I assured her that he was a little rough around the edges but he would never use drugs. We were both trying to simply be friendly, after all we hadn't ever really spoken at length, although she was someone of whom I thought highly. I'm sure she was just thinking of me and trying to be helpful, but I was offended. And in serious denial. After I repeated that I was pretty certain he wouldn't use drugs, she responded, "I hope not, but you should check his backpack."
I was numb as we drove home, and my mind was racing. I thought, "No way! This can't be true! We would know. He's not that dumb. Not my son. He would never hurt us like that," And many other thoughts of denial. This was not happening. We arrived home and confronted him. Sure enough, there was a bottle in his back pack and in the bottle were the foam from ear buds and in the foam were a couple of pills. He said he was "holding them for a friend." Uh huh.
Monday morning I was on the phone with our pediatrician. He had been our doctor since the kids were babies. I told him what the bottle said (I don't remember now) and what the pills looked like. He said he had to call a colleague and he would call me back. The results were undetermined. He said his colleague thought it was a form of ibuprofen or something. I thought, at least it wasn't speed or something more serious, because that was the most serious drug I knew.
Regardless, out nightmare had begun.
Lessons - I had always been taught, and the truth of it burns deep in my heart, that "In the pre-mortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life." Simply put, we lived with God before we came to earth, and this earth life is for us to gain experience and grow to prepare to return to Him. That means that my son will have experiences that will invite him to grow and he'll make choices that cause him to grow. And, as we watch the painful choices unfold, we, too, are invited to learn and grow. This learning has been by far the most painful I have ever had. Based on my knowledge of our purpose here on earth, I finally came to to know I could, in fact, rely on my Savior. In the coming months and years, I found great comfort in the Savior's words in Matthew 11, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls."
I had a similar experience but was on the opposite end. I was riding in a car with one of my coworkers and a song by Ludacris came on the radio. My coworker mentioned that this song was his son's favorite song. At that moment, the words flooded my mouth "Your son smokes weed." My coworker looked up at me with complete shock. To be honest, I don't know quite where those words came from but they came out as blunt as can be. He just stared at me while I recovered from that outburst and then I finally told him "Well, if this is really your son's favorite song, then I have no doubt he smokes weed and probably does some other drugs." I had never met his son and truly didn't know anything about him. My coworker just went on and on about how his son was a good kid, he was a senior in high school this year, he wanted to go to law school eventually and there was no way he was smoking weed. I just nodded and shrugged it off. I really didn't know at the time what possessed me and it was a little awkward afterwards. About six months later, my coworker pulled me aside and asked if I remembered that conversation, then proceeded to tell me that I was right. His son went to apply for an law internship and they told him that he would need to be drug tested. He then went to his dad and had confessed that he had been smoking weed and doing drugs. My coworker told me that he wasn't as shocked as he thought he would have been when he found out and all he could think about was that conversation and how he was so sure that there was no way his son would ever do drugs or smoke weed.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, thank you so much for your comment! I wonder how many parents find out this way? I mean, as a parent we feel when things aren't quite right and I know I had this feeling and I was praying about it. I just couldn't believe that after he had been taught in our home, he would choose to use drugs. I wonder now if I was thinking about me - how could this happen to me? Or was I thinking about him?
ReplyDeleteI also really appreciate what you brought up about music. I am going to do a post about music soon. I didn't know there is "drug music" until we went through this. Thanks so much. I appreciate your insight.